I have a daughter, “Molly”, who is almost 30 years old. Her father and I were divorced when she was a child and I raised her, with the help of my family, until I remarried. Her father had visits and paid child support, but that was the end of it. Throughout Molly’s life, I have taken care of all of her medical expenses, extracurricular activities, etc., and sacrificed myself so that she could have what she needed.
The problem I am having is that she treats me badly, while her father, her family, her husband’s family and members of my family are on a pedestal. The disrespectful way she talks to me and her superior attitude have led me to depression. She doesn’t answer texts or return my phone calls unless she feels like it or wants something.
There is a possibility that she will receive some money soon, and I have been thinking of changing my will and leaving her nothing. I’m seeing a therapist to find out why I can’t tell him how much his words and actions hurt me. I love Molly very much, but I don’t like her. Shouldn’t she be the one in therapy to find out why she treats me like this?
— Abused mom in Georgia
People generally don’t seek therapy unless they are suffering, like you. Don’t waste time waiting for her to seek help for something she doesn’t think is a problem. Your daughter is fine with the status quo because you haven’t drawn the line and demanded that you be treated with consideration. I don’t know if she’s aware that you’re about to make money, but when she finds out about it, she might find that she has a sudden change of heart.
If the money comes, I hope you spend that windfall on things you enjoy: trips, cultural events, all the activities you missed out on while sacrificing for Molly. You deserve it; she didn’t. Please tell your therapist I said so. I’m pretty sure your therapist will agree.
I renovated and moved into my girlfriend’s house a year ago, to the tune of $80,000. We’ve been together for 12 years and we agreed that although neither of us wants to remarry, we should stop paying two mortgages because we’re nearing retirement and need to save money.
He has an old cat that urinates all over the house. She says, “What do you want me to do about it?” I’m asking her to help me figure something out, but after over a year of dealing with her cat that urinates on everything from my kids’ beds to carpets, nothing has changed. What can I say to make you understand that this is ruining our home and potentially making people sick? I can’t have guests because of the smell.
— Frustrated by the feline
You and your girlfriend should discuss this with the cat’s veterinarian to find out if the cat’s behavior is age-related and uncontrollable, or if it’s a behavior problem that can be corrected. Don’t wait any longer to do it! You have my sympathy.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, aka Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
This article originally appeared in The Providence Journal: Dear Abby: Woman feels abused by disrespectful daughter