The Big Mad: Cold Comfort, Seal of Improvement, and Missouri Shows His Manhood

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  • TIM BOMMEL / MISSOURI HOUSE COMMUNICATIONS
  • Clay County Representative Doug Richey, left: the very image of manhood.

Welcome to the Big Mad, the RFTthe weekly summary of fair rage! Because we know your time is short and your anger is burning:

Winter surprise: Every year it gets very cold here. It arrives with such regularity that we have given it a name: winter. It is quite difficult for humans to live outside in winter. People are freezing to death. This is all well established, and yet it seems to surprise city officials every year. We wrote before Christmas about the lack of shelter beds, even as the city has millions and millions of US bailout dollars to deal with such issues. St. Louis Public Radio last week picked up on the problem and reported the lack of shelter beds, even as the city sits on millions and millions of dollars in the US bailout. We are told that negotiations for a shelter are underway and luckily the town of Hope St. Louis was able to partner with the town to open 65 overflow beds at Asbury United Methodist Church and the center of Cherokee recreation. But why does it have to be such a random race every year? Maybe St. Louis can save a dollar from those millions and buy a calendar?

Save the seal: For a sweet moment, everything was beautiful. About two years after the start of this waking nightmare we now call “life,” a Twitter user goes by the handle @SethOvKnives has drawn the attention of the entire internet to the graphic design monstrosity that the County of St. Francis has been using as its official seal for the past few years, a pile of clipart images riddled with Ariel fonts so ridiculously bad that for a brief second, we were all united in joy and ridicule. But, as the great poet Robert Frost once said, nothing gold can stay. Within a week, the chastened county officials decided they had had enough of the stacking, with Presidential Commissioner Harold Gallaher the mastermind behind the seal, announcing that a redesign competition will be held in the coming weeks. To this we say: Why? Why do we have to destroy a work that has made so many people happy? Why can’t we have just one good (and by good we mean bad, therefore very bad) thing? It’s so rare to find the kind of unity this damn mess of a design has spawned – can’t we just keep it? Sure, it might be boring to have the entirety of the internet poking fun at you mercilessly, but as we all know, an artist has to sacrifice themselves for their work – and you, Commissioner Gallaher, are an artist. It’s time to start acting like one. Defend your art. Save the seal. We need this, man, really.

Report: Good news, Saint-Louis! Honorable Republican senators from Missouri have heard of our struggles, and they’re like a hole in the head to help us. Their help came in a Dec. 31 report released by the Interim Committee on Emerging Issues in the Greater Saint-Louis Region, which details various meetings between board members and various elected officials in Saint-Louis and its surroundings. This local contribution, however, was dutifully ignored in the report’s conclusion, which blithely accuses the leaders of St. Louis of doing nothing against crime because (checks notes) “ideological, political and cultural diversity” stands in the way. . Ah, yes, cultural diversity, which makes victims of crime too afraid to come forward and racist police officers too racist to testify in cases. Admittedly, the report never defines precisely what it means by “diversity,” as in its claim that “the intense diversity” between city and county “prevents grassroots levels of cooperation” to stop crime. Is it a dog whistle or just laziness? The committee didn’t care and instead opted for a strategy of denying St. Louis with the lightest burns possible. Oh no, don’t you say, is Saint-Louis “only a regional leader from his own point of view” and lacks “political will?” Oh, have mercy! You hurt us! No wonder members of the Democratic committee refused to sign the report. They know bullshit when they see it – and we can smell it from St. Louis.

Standing man: Whereas the 2021 House resolution of Clay County Representative Doug Richey encouraging young Missouri men to engage in some stupid shit called the “Missouri Manhood challenge” has stuck in committee and has come to naught ; and whereas Republicans seem to be really pathologically obsessed with the masculine qualities of manly men lately; and considering that a real manly man never gives up: now therefore be it resolved that Richey brought in exactly the same stupid and meaningless resolution this year again. Like, exactly the same. If we didn’t know better, we might think that all of this state’s problems were solved a long time ago, with the way these lawmakers spend their time. Hey Richey, why not arm yourself with the courage and do some real work to change?

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